Switching hosting sites

I am in the process of switching hosting sites. I have transferred all the past blogs over to http://writebrainit.wordpress.com/ I don't think that really means anything for most people, as I am not sure if anyone is even subscribing to this blog - I think that is one of the perks of wordpress.com - I will be able to track some of that information a little easier. I have enjoyed blogger and will continue to utilize them for some of my other blogs, but for right now - I liked what wordpress had to offer. I still have some things like favorite sites and information like that to transition over, but I am anticipating a smooth move. For those of you reaching this blog by going to the writebrainit site, nothing will change for you - I have made the changes that will make it smooth. Thanks for your patience.

Remembering 9/11

Last year, I had intended to post a little tribute in my story of that day on the site and had been blown away by a person I met at Blockbuster. I remember I was talking about a movie and when it was coming out. They saw me pretty often in the story, so they never hesitate to make suggestions or ask if I had seen a movie. It was about a week before 9/11 and they said something about the date having been changed for Adam Sandler's Reign Over Me. I commented that I had wondered about it's release date being so close to 9/11 when it has a 9/11 theme. The one clerk said he hadn't realized that. I said that some people may have thought there was a sensitivity issue there and have decided to move it to a different date. This worker whom I had never seen before (come to think of it, I never saw her again) chimed in saying, ‘It’s been six years, I mean come on.' I know I shot her a look of utter confusion and her boss looked a little shocked. I simply responded, 'to some it's still a little traumatic'.

Here's my experience that day:

I was at home the morning of this tragic loss. I had taken a vacation day just to rest. I was up and watching a movie – a friend called and told me to change to a news channel and I remember being annoyed with him and telling him I would. I remember I flipped to the CNN and just lingered on the channel for a few seconds, it was early and I wasn’t processing, so I switched back to my movie – about 30 seconds later I realized what was going on and changed the channel. My friend called again and I remember telling him that I would need to call him back. What we were watching was horrible. When I saw the second plane crash, I thought this can't be real. Then the buildings collapsed and my sister called. She asked me to look at my calendar and see where it said my mother was. It said New York. When my mother started traveling for work – she started putting out a monthly calendar that lets us know where she is, when birthdays are and sporting events for nieces and nephews (since I am the oldest of nine and have many nieces and nephews – we all find this a very helpful tool.)

My mother started traveling for her job over 10 years ago. I knew nothing of where her offices were when she traveled and didn’t even know that her main office was in New York since she was based out of Chicago. I know my sister thought I sounded unaffected by this news that she was in New York and she asked, ‘You do know that her head-quarters are in the World Trade Center, don’t you?’ I didn’t. She said that she had been trying to reach her and could not.

For 3.5 hours that morning we could not reach her and heard nothing from her. About 11:45 that morning, my mother was able to return one of my sister's messages. Her plans had changed the previous Friday and she was, in fact, in Chicago. She apologized and said she had known that she needed to reach us but the phones were a mess with trying to reach people and learning of potential losses from their office. AON was on floors 92 and 98-105 of the second tower. My mother lost a lot of co-workers and friends (AON lost 170 employees) that day and while my family was blessed to be allowed more time with my mother, the tragedy of that day still brings to me that feeling of loss and fear.

Right Brain vs. Left Brain Thinking

I stumbled upon this site (learned of by another blog and I really need to make sure that I note that in the future - but I can't find the blog at this point - I will note it when I find it again. But you can take this fun little 20 question quiz to determine if you are left or right brained - I posted my results here - fitting in quite nicely with the title of this website.

http://mindmedia.com/braintest.html

Your Brain Usage Profile:
Auditory : 52%
Visual : 47%
Left : 44%
Right : 55%

bill, you are moderately right-hemisphere dominant and have even preferences between auditory and visual processing, traits that might make people perceive you as "slightly off balance."
You are most likely to be slightly disorganized, a "dreamer" and a person who focuses more on the end result than the immediate task at hand. You are creative and spontaneous if somewhat lacking in direction and focus. You are a learner who is generally patient and a person for whom time is an ally, not an enemy.
You are more passionate than most people with regard to life and learning and recognize your own intuitive abilities. You have sufficient goal-direction to satisfy yourself and guarantee success without being or feeling driven. You are willing to be reflective about yourself and others without getting lost in rumination.
The balance of your sensory modes allows for both learning and expressive capabilities achieved by few. You are active and "seeing" while retaining an equally strong propensity for being reflective which slows you down a little but allows for a more comprehensive perception and analysis of situations and problems. You do not spend excessive time analyzing since you mostly trust your perceptions.
In all likelihood, you have a tendency to over-commit and cannot understand why others get upset since you operate on a different "time table" than they do. Your organizational abilities are frequently overwhelmed by the stimulation seeking and active nature of your mind as well as by the tendency to create new categories and gloss over details, making categorization and classification almost impossible at times.
To the extent that your career path allows for creativity and abstraction as well as a bit of disorganization, you should find yourself equipped to handle any learning that is required. Your own personal adjustment to your style should come naturally although you are likely to feel frustrated by your own limited discipline and often wonder "Why?"

Is this really it? (Writing Prompt)

Last night I was closing up my house to head to bed. I remember thinking that 'oh, is this it? I feel like I forgot something.' It was one of those kind of melancholy thoughts that hits us every now and then. I am not sure what it meant, but I went upstairs and before going to bed wanted to post to the blog. I had these great pictures from camping out around Fremont this weekend and I wanted to share them.

I rode an ATV for the first time this weekend and was lucky enough to get this shot - of course I played with it a little in a picture adjuster thing.


I had every intention of doing lots of writing and 'transcribing' this weekend, but didn't really get anything done.

Then I had to come back early from the campsite to attend a friend's wake and celebrate his life with his family. Oddly as I was on the way to the funeral, I almost grabbed a notebook - you know, in case I was inspired. Then rational thought hit me and I realized the insensitivity that would present and left the notebook at home. Isn't it funny something like that happens and you are actually inspired. That's what happened - in my head came the beginning of a short story. Throughout the day, I worked on it in my head and as soon as I got to my computer I started putting it down. (I am trying to get used to writing on the computer as opposed to longhand, because I am just not good at getting around to getting it then onto the computer (hence my hope to 'transcribe'). What's the oddest situation you have been that has prompted a story?

This rainbow is actually what greeted me when I got to the campsite last Friday. How cool of a welcome mat is that - props to you, D.

Kansas City Irish Fest

I had every intention of posting some fun Irish fest pics, but forgot to bring my camera, so the ones I found on the Internet will have to do.

This was the weekend of the Kansas City Irish fest - it was amazing. This is only my second year attending, but it has grown again. One of the nice things about this fest is the way it is spread out - the only times that I ever felt crowded was when I was checking out the stuff at the vendors (but I don't have much patience for people bumping into me and stalling in front of something I really want to see - I'll try again later). I did buy a new fisherman's hat as my last and favorite one was recently absorbed into the Niabrara river. I went with my mother and a friend of hers. We stayed at Harrah's which was just a hop skip and a jump away from the crown center (where the Irish fest is held). I ran into a friend and his son from Omaha - his other children and wife were there as well - but I never saw them (his daughter was participating in the Irish dance competition). I met the nun and some of her family there - we ate and had a good time. The nun did try to talk me into buying this $22 apron which had it not been so feminine (it had green frills on the bottom), I would have considered it just because I liked the saying it had on it 'When Irish Eyes Are Smiling...Watch Out.' It would have been a fun conversation piece - but green frills are not really my thing (take note for any future presents).

Gaelic Storm was one of the bands I listened to. Man, they were fantastic - you should have seen the energy and the crowds they bring. I couldn't believe the age groups of fans they had. The first night I saw them - there was this threesome of people I found easy to watch. One guy had really long hair, dressed in black and had a gothic look to him - the woman and man who were with him looked a little hippie-ish. The hippie-ish guy had an amazing camera and stood in the top corner of the bleachers taking pictures. Their title song from the new cd "What's the Rumpus?" had this fun audience participation thing - where the audience after the bagpipe stud hit the symbols was supposed to yell 'pow' while throwing their hands in the air. The most amusing thing was this goth guy - was standing there arms folded looking completely un-interested was so into the pow. It was like he was waiting for it and then would look away, arms folded and bored.

The second day - I actually met the lead singer. He was listening to another Irish performer who I was listening to and when trying to get to my seat - he feared I was going to knock over his beer - so had to move it before I got there (truth be told, as careful as I was trying to be, I am a klutz and it was probably a good save on his part). After the performer finished, I waited a few minutes and took both my mother's and my cd inserts and asked for his signature. He talked with me for at least 10 minutes. This Jimmy Crowley (whom had just performed) was who he had heard when he was a child and made him want sing as well - he said had it not been for Jimmy, his path might have been completely different. He referred to Jimmy as a legend in his eyes and had teared up, he said, on at least 6 of the 10-12 songs he had performed. The opening song of the concert they would be performing that evening was the one that he had heard Jimmy play when he was 10 or 11 and it was the start of his desire to play music. He was a very nice man.

On of the funniest things he said at both of the concerts I attended was when he thanked the crowd for helping their new cd debut at #1 on the world-wide billboard music chart. He said, 'we finally beat our nemesis, Celtic Women, those bitches.' He laughed and said they were very nice people. But on the second night there was an audience participation piece as well - and this time we were sitting in our chairs on the grassy area before the stage. Behind us sat a family and they had a 'goth' looking kid of about 14ish and he was singing to their songs at the top of his lungs. This audience participation piece was in the song 'me and the moon' (which is becoming one of my favorite songs on the cd). This was a male/female contest. On the chorus the women were to throw their arms up and yell I brought the whiskey and the men were to show their cellphone lit and say 'he brought the light.' It was so amusing the way this kid got into it - he and his sister were yelling their parts and he even stood at one point and yelled, 'everybody get up' to get more into the song.

There were many great bands, vendors and the food was amazing. I can't mention them all - I recommend you check out the website though. Oh another band who does merit mentioning (though I regretfully didn't pick up their cd yet), was Pogey - another great band.

What Will They Say - Writing Prompt

I got sent this obit in my email from my writing group the other day. It is horrible enough that I am including the snopes.com assessment of it. It got me wondering about my obit. Who will write it, what will they say. If I have to define myself, how would I want to do that. What do I know and hope will be missed about me.

As a single person from a large family - I do wonder who would actually write the obit? So as a fun activity I have decided to not only write my own obit (we've all had to do this experiment before), but I am going to write a 'glowing with praise' obit and a 'most horrible person in the world obit'. I challenge you to do the same.

Michael Phelps

Congratulations and thank you Michael Phelps!!!



I have been totally involved in the Olympics this year and I haven't completely understood why. But I love it. I tear up every time some one wins, I tear up every time someone fails, and I am so invested this year.

I think for me, I love that the Olympics offer us the ability to dream. I think that is what Michael Phelps has done for me - he has taken me back to my childhood - when Mark Spitz was earning his golds. I remember that we were glued to the set - we were drawn together as a nation, but more than that - I believed that I could do whatever I set my mind to do. I was encouraged to dream - to reach for my highest aspirations and dream.

Thank you Michael Phelps for reminding me of that enthusiasm! Congrats on all your GOLD.

DREAM, DREAM, DREAM, DREAM

A few weeks ago I was talking with a friend of mine - I told him that one of my favorite things to do when I went to bed was plan my dream. I like it when I am settling in and pick the storyline I want to go on. I am sometimes frustrated when I fall asleep without getting to plan. He told me that he remembered doing that as a child (actually I had two friends say the same thing when I was talking to them about dreaming). The woman said that she doesn't do that anymore. The reason my male friend is standing out in my mind right now is that he said, 'I don't dream anymore.'

I don't dream anymore, are you kidding me? Don't we all dream whether we want to or not? I was asking another friend about this and he said that while he is sure he dreams, he never remembers dreaming, let alone what they are about. I am so sad for those who no longer dream. I love dreaming, I love day dreaming, night dreaming, and all types of dreaming. Well, not all types...there are the occasional nightmares which haunt me.

I have this one of a friends murder that for awhile was occurring so often and in such detail, that I occasionally had to call to make sure it was a dream and not a memory. Those chasing dreams are not my favorite either - the ones where someone is after you and you can feel your body physically fighting the dream, but seemingly can't wake from it. Not my favorite, but I feed a little off of those - they help me to remember fear, to understand panic which helps me in my writing.

Last night I had a new nightmare, and I didn't like it. I don't want it ever again. I can't say that I am afraid to go to sleep, but I will definitely be trying to plan my dream tonight. It was a dream about going to jail (no, I have never been). I never learned what the crime I committed was, but I know that I was supposed to be somewhere to clear my name and instead was locked in a type of safe or refrigeration unit (I know different, but I think the dream actually vacillated between the two). Anyway because I missed the appointment, I was being taken to jail right away without trial - I had two detectives who were monitoring and taking me. I was made to say goodbye to my family and was terrified. I can remember contemplated what I would need to do to get into solitary confinement or the infirmary or to get the charges dropped. There was no chasing, but the panic I felt, the fear - too real. To horrible. I don't want the dream again. Will it help my writing, I hope so.

For me the funny thing is trying to figure out what this dream has to do with my real life. I often think that our dreams are linked in one way or another and try to evaluate them. This should be a fun one to try and figure out.

Right now I am helping myself to prepare for a good night's sleep with a glass of lemonade mixed with a shot of my homemade blueberry infused vodka - yummy.

Writing Prompts

I am a little bummed right now as I had thought of a great writing prompt this morning when I was in that wake-up sleep and because I wasn't smart enough to write it down, I can't remember what it was. I am just hoping it comes back to me - I am sure it is sitting up there in my Write-brain somewhere.

I do have another one that I have been playing with though. A few months ago I think I noted that I had a friend who had really lied to me. Well it was a whole mess and I can't believe how it affected other aspects and relationships in my life. This was a work friend from about 5 years ago - I thought we had a really good friendship and for about the last 3 years had written each other 3-5 times a week, sometimes just checking in - other times challenging each other or asking for assistance. Long story short, he had been claiming to be single the last 2 years which was weird because he was the kind of guy who was never without a girlfriend - he doesn't do well being on his own. I started questioning when he was going to get back out in the field, he claimed he was - he just didn't talk about all of his dates.

Well about 10 days after Mother's Day he says he has decided to disclose something to me - and informs me that he had been married for the previous 18 months and the week prior had just celebrated the birth of his first child - his marriage had also provided him with 2 step-sons - the youngest of which he was in the process of adopting. Weird, huh? Who lies like that. When I looked back at some old emails - it didn't make sense - this guy went out of his way to lie and make sure that nothing every was revealed. It also made no sense to me, why the double life. Now the therapist and psychiatrists I work with (who also knew him) believe that he is also gay and I was a safe person to stay in contact with in case he ever chose to come out. And once the baby had come, he realized he had made his choice and needed to cut off this odd portion of his life.

For me it has made me hesitant to start new friendship, question bonds with other friendships - old and new and affected the security I had in being a fairly good judge of character.

Now the writing prompt - have you ever told a big lie or had one told to you. Have you incorporated it into your story. I often think that reality doesn't tranfer well on to the paper - how do you make that lie believable, interesting and keep the victim appearing overly gullible?

Writing Prompt

We've all played the game - if you have a superhero power, what would it be. Mine tends to vacillate between invisibility and flying. Although now that I say that, I wonder - would I feel a little ripped off if I met Superman and all I could do was turn invisible - I like to think that extra strength is just one of the perks of being a superhero.

Anyway - back to the prompt: You have just discovered that the friends you have surrounded yourself with, are all superheroes - what powers do they have and why?

Top 5 Things on TV That Made Me Cry...

...in the last week! Okay, I have become older and more of a sap.

1. The Baby Borrowers Season Finale - even though the majority of these kids were annoying as hell, they kind of grew on me and I was very sad to learn that none of them made it at the end of the 'social experiment'.
2. Dr. Who's season/series finale? It felt like I was watching the end of the series - so much was closed up in a tidy little box. I loved Catherine Tate's character on this show and was so heartbroken at the end.
3. Seeing RENT perform on Good Morning, America as they prepare for the final show on Broadway - Chris Cuomo stated it best when he commented that the first time he saw RENT on Broadway he knew he wasn't just seeing a play but experiencing 'a movement.'
4. The season finale of Robin Hood on the BBC America.
5. I have to admit that seeing Mamma Mia made me a little teary-eyed knowing that soon I will get to own this movie and watch it whenever I want. Getting choked up telling my friend J about my love of ABBA - getting to see them in the seventh row of the Voulez-Vous tour. Making the banner welcoming them to Omaha with the hope of winning better tickets (though you can't much go wrong with the seventh row.) And even discussing how this was the beginning of a friendship with my friend K.

Reflections on a Busy Life

I don't pretend that my life is anymore busy than anyone else's. But my life has seemed a little overwhelming and out of control. I can't say that it has been 'go, go, go.' But my mind has been. I was going to try and post last week before I left town as I had a few things that were affecting my thinking and my writing.

I love the direction of my thinking lately though, if I have a conflict with a friend or thoughts about a friend - I wonder, how do I incorporate this into my writing? Do I incorporate it? Am I breaking a boundary? How do I make a friend who is not looking good in my vision, still be endearing to a reader? Will they even know? How do I disguise them enough to take some of their traits I find annoying, endearing, or sad and not offend them?

I have been thinking a lot about character development lately and trying to work some on it. It's been kind of fun but at times I wonder if it is pulling me away from my writing. Right now, I am not as worried about that - description is one of the areas I get challenged on in my writing group. And characterization falls under that whole realm of description. I have a tendency to allow my details to be a little more discrete and I think I do this because as I am reading the book/story - I picture myself there or I picture it as a movie and if there is too much detail, I can actually have a hard time picture the scene. But leaving things out like 'for a 12 year old he was a little bigger and stronger than his classmates.' Not that this is the best sentence, but it helps to identify the boy as opposed to simply referring to him as 'the boy.' I have to find the balance so that there is enough description to get the basics, but in certain areas I really want to be able to picture something I know.

For instance, I remember one of the first writers meetings I went to (with the group I belong to) a woman read a portion of her story and discussed the church. One of critiques was for a better description of the church - wanting to know what he was walking to in his mind. She commented that earlier in the story that it was a Nazarene Church and they all have a similar style. Now I walked away with three different perspectives there - mine which is that I had pictured the churches I know and was in a church while she read; the person critiquing who wanting the description to get the picture; and the writer who believed that by identifying the faith - all would know what the church style was. This was one of those thoughts that haunted my thoughts and still does - for me, knowing the style of the church added nothing to the story - in fact, for me it took away because now I had to picture something unfamiliar to me and in the bit picture - it had nothing to do with the story.

I have more to say on this topic, as it is tending to be a focus of mine lately, but I think that is enough for now.

The Niabrara

This weekend was full of fun. I went with two of my sisters and one of their groups of friends down the Niabrara - which first of all, if you have never gotten to experience the beauty of it, you should. And second of all, it is just a nice relaxing time - spending 8 hours floating down a river on a tube, drink in one hand, and stopping to explore waterfalls. The Niabrara boasts the largest waterfall in Nebraska - Smith Falls - again worth the trip, if you haven't yet been.

I had my link to the slide.com pics here so you could just watch them on my blog - but it seemed they were slowing down my system, so I don't know what they were doing to other systems. I think I will instead just hyper-link it so you can see my Niabrara pics by clicking HERE.

New Family Pic

I have such a cool family.

IT'S THE LITTLE THINGS

I just got him and I think he is the cutest thing I have every gotten for FREE in my life (okay that may be a slight exaggeration - but you get my point).

I stopped at my brother's the other day and my sister-in-law was showing me these boxes that magically appeared on her porch that day. They were actually her mother's (a friend was getting rid of a bunch of stuff - her mother realized that a lot of these things would be considered antiques and said she would take them.)I collect pigs (and have a small collection of piggy banks), so my SIL gave it to me - how cool is that.

I need someone to magically deposit a bunch of boxes full of antiques to my porch.

Writer's Guilt = Writer's Prompt

I had every intention of coming home this evening and writing. I am not doing so well with my goal of writing every night. Tomorrow I am coming home and cleaning the writing area first thing (I might even come home and do some of it over my lunch hour). It's happening - I hate feeling guilty over getting nothing done.

When I was home over lunch today, I had the Sundance Channel on and saw that Grey Gardens was going to be on about 15 minutes after I left. Now I knew about this crazy aunt and cousin of Jackie O's because of the Broadway Musical that did well at the Tony's last year. I have the cd and had an idea of what it was about, but didn't realize there was a 'documentary' movie about the two of them. So I taped it, and when I got home, I just popped it in to make sure it taped. I was trapped. I couldn't stop watching, even to pause it and make myself dinner. I was enthralled, appalled and saddened for these two women.

Working with people who have mental health concerns makes me a little more sensitive to those who are depicted in the movies. These women were two of the most dysfunctional women I have ever seen. I believe the aunt was actually the more stable of the two, but physically, she had so many concerns. The cousin was truly one of the more unhealthy people I have ever seen depicted.

After it was over, I thought, my goodness, what fantastic characters. And then being sensitive to the mentally ill, thought 'how horrible of you to think of them as characters.' But...

Then it got me thinking more of whom I know - friend, relation, acquaintance who should be a character. What makes a great character. I got to thinking of the stories I have written and wondered who I know that I have written into a story. Do you know that other than myself (I think I am often in my stories, but that is because I tend to become the main character - which could become disturbing when I am working on my psychological thriller about a sociopathic serial killer.)

So that is my new challenge to myself - finding the characters in my life and depicting them on the page.

Writing Prompt

Now I know that the video appears to be sideways - it is not the video - it is your computer. I will give you a few moments to turn your computer onto it's side. Go now.




Hopefully that was enough time. I had a niece and nephew stay the night on Saturday. They kept wanting to play on the swingset in the yard - especially the jungle bars since they aren't allowed on the slide (it's too high). Saturday night our fun consisted of me carrying them across the bars while they touched each one. The fun was missed out by me, but they loved it and giggled. I kept trying to get them to do it on their own, but it wasn't happening.

The next morning, the same thing - they wanted me to carry them, but all of a sudden B said, 'just a minute' and did it on her own. I called her Wonder Woman and she did it over and over (probably another 10 times and I caught one of them on tape).

I think about what a great time we are in - that it is so easy to catch the little things (which is actually what the prompt is about). I tried to remember the first thing that I remember being proud of. And then I wondered, how do you catch that on paper.

So Much To Do, So Little Time To Do It

I have been trying to figure what do you do when you have so little time to do it. Right now, my creativity is at a peak it hasn't been in a long time. I have several stories that are new to me, coming to mind. I seems to spend a lot of time writing down the basics so I don't forget it. I have had a couple of actual scenes that came to me, had to get them down - not completely sure where they fit, but pretty sure I know the story they belong in.

I have about 20 article ideas that I have been working on - at least a basis to send a query out - this is something new for me, not the query, but writing to offer article ideas.

I have three new story ideas and 3 new shorts I am working out the small stuff on. It's exciting but overwhelming as well - I am trying to prioritize and know that I need to sit down to finish one, but I am afraid of losing the other, so I have been focusing on outlining the new ideas so as not to lose them.

I have not been as disciplined in my writing as I was hoping to be at this point. I was trying to figure it out when I do my best and most writing - it always comes down to situations when I am supposed to be doing something else and can't do what normally pulls me away from writing (damn you television and Internet, for being so much fun). Now I am sure for most of you, this would be a 'duh' moment. For me, it was an 'aha' moment. I know what I need to do, so I have put a little extra effort into getting that writing space ready. Next it's going to be important for me to schedule the times - I read an article recently (I think on a writer's blog and wish I could remember who it was because I would like to give him props.)

The basis of what he said was that for him, it became more important to write something every day, not focus on getting 10 pages done a day, but to write something whether it was 3 paragraphs or 3 pages. Hmmmmm...I love this thought - he went on to say that by the end of the month, he had something like a 30,000 (or was it 60,000) book written. Time to start writing, I say it again.

Storm Videos

These are a few of the videos I took with my camera during the storm - in the second to last one - you can hear the hail begin.



This last one - is from my dining room window after the hail had started.

The June 28th, 2008 Storm in Omaha, NE

On June 27, 2008 Omaha was hit with a horrible storm - they say the winds were between 110 and 115 mph. Electricity went out at about 5:30 p.m. I just got mine back today 6/30/08 @ 1:30 p.m. My sister had a lot of damage to her house and while it has not been completely evaluated - an OPPD staff and her insurance agent said the damage was enough that the house will probably have to be torn down and rebuilt.

Check out the visitor

On Tuesday, we had another rain stormy kind of morning. I was talking with a co-worker when I noticed this odd shape in the steam on our window (above our printers). I told her to look and she said 'what at those two lung like things'. I said, 'yeah, but I was thinking it looked more like a martian-face thing.' I showed it to other people, they thought it was kinda cool and weird too. I know I was mocked when I took some pictures of it. Me, I am going to allow myself to live with the delusion that a martian was holding his face against our window during the night to see what was going on in our office.


Meanwhile, I read at my writing group last night to fairly positive response. There were some good questions brought up. I love it that a couple of people are so good at finding repetitive words close together. Some of what they were discussing and suggesting was for more information that I am sure I want to give at this point. Truth be told, I am not even sure this is going into the book. I originally wrote it to give birth to the sociopath, but the more I develop the novel, the less I think this will fit in (however it is a good beginning for a prequel).

Top 20 Fears

This recent occurrence at the PRIDE festivities got me to thinking how cautious I have become as I have become older – less uninhibited. I had planned on counting down, but the reality is that I don’t know that there is a specific order for things that scare me. I wondered what are the things of which I am I am truly fearful? So I sat to figure it out – this is the list I came up with:

1. Being lonely (not alone – I need alone time often)
2. Losing one of my nieces and nephews
3. Losing a sibling
4. Something reaching up and biting my junk when sitting in an outhouse
5. Disappearing
6. Another 9/11
7. Walking alone in unsafe areas
8. Being violently beaten
9. Losing my ability to hear, see or speak
10. Spiders
11. Feeling helpless
12. Gangs
13. Finding someone in my home
14. Angry ghosts
15. Elvis’ passing (my dog)
16. Being attacked in my sleep
17. Dying unintentionally for a cause
18. Losing hope
19. Having my heart broken
20. Losing a close friend

What are your top fears?

PRIDE - from Celebration to Fear

Omaha PRIDE was this weekend. It truly was a celebration down at Lewis and Clark Landing in Omaha, NE. I went down on Saturday evening and would have brought my camera – but it was raining when I left and since I didn’t know how long it would be raining – I decided against bringing it.

People of all sorts were down there. It’s been a few years since I was able to attend and since I am not a big fan of crowds, I really liked the amount of space we had to celebrate. There was a couple of musical acts (okay), some talking and some drinking. After hanging out for about 2ish hours, I decided that my knee was hurting enough to sit down and luckily my friend Pat O and his band was performing at Rick’s Boatyard – so I went up to sit and enjoy for a bit. It was fun watching the crowd leave as the PRIDE celebration died down – some heard Pat and his band and joined us up on the deck to listen and dance (I wasn’t dancing, lol).

Watching the people leave I realized how far away my car was, where I was parked and how dark it was. Initially I had every intention of staying to listen to Pat’s band until about midnight when I planned on heading home and fairly quickly I became a little nervous. I was in a downtown, close to a park heavily populated with all types and interests and I was leaving a gay celebration. There has been such a focus this year on the violent crimes against gays in this day and age. I decided I didn’t want to be one and waited for a large crowd to leave the PRIDE celebration and walked behind them to my car, with my keys poking out defensively in my left hand and my phone in my right with 911 typed in and ready to push send if anything happened. Funny, no, I take that back, Sad how a celebration can turn dark so quickly.

New Additions...

TO THE FAMILY - Please meet SUNNY AND SHARE (aren't they beautiful). They joined our little family or menagerie yesterday.

I have to say on a brief note, whatever happened that camping trip - I love the creativity it has caused. So far I have written the basics of 3, count them, 3 new short stories. Maybe a little get away to doing nothing is going to be needed more often.

Worth It - Waste It

This weekend I didn't get to watch as many movies as I usually do, but I did get a lot of reading and writing done.

Fablehaven: Rise of the Evening Star - this is the second in the Fablehaven series. If you have not started to read the series yet, I recommend it. I believe it to be a very creative idea for a stories. The characters are enjoyable even when evil. This one does a good job of making you not totally aware of who is fighting for good and evil until it is absolutely necessary to find out. Kendra is now blessed with new powers which she continues to learn throughout the story and since no one is able to compare what happened to her in the first story - there continue to be surprises which I am sure will surface in future stories. Thankfully the third in the series is out Fablehaven: Grip of the Shadow Plague but the fourth in the series doesn't come out until April 2009. I have also picked up his new book and it is the next I am starting on - The Candy Shop War. Brandon Mull could easily become one of my favorite writers.

I made quite a bit of work towards finishing Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal by Christopher Moore. I started the book several years ago and got about halfway through. An old classmate of mine has re-perked the interest for me to finish it. I am enjoying it, but there is so much sarcasm and Biff basically claims to have invented just about everything (I think he just discovered matches, lol). For some reason it is a lot to take in - I think it will become one of my car books to read when I am on the road and possibly waiting for friends and/or appointments.

Now I have not been on a good run of movies lately - in fact, have been more than a little irritated about them. I recently watched The Sasquatch Gang and while I realize that I only have myself to blame - they are promoting it as made by the same people who make Napoleon Dynamite, so I had some hope of enjoying it. I didn't.

Last night I considered going to see The Happening as I love M Night Shyamalan's stuff and Mark Wahlberg - so it was win, win, right? Well, I made the mistake of looking at the yahoo critiques/users ratings and saw that it is getting a C by the critique and the Yahoo users are giving it a C-. Well, that and some article on Yahoo's home page saying 'nothing happens in The Happening,' swayed me to reconsider.

So I stuck in movie which I have been wanting to see called Breakfast With Scot. It's a gay themed movie which is absolutely delightful. The story is great, the actors are spectacular. The message is wonderful and the feeling I got from finishing that movie was very happy and peaceful. This one is a movie I highly recommend and give 5 stars to as well.

On Writing

Initially, this weekend I was struggling - getting re-aquanted with old friends and lots of reading. I was struggling where to pick up in my writing - what I wanted to work on. Thursday night was spent getting re-aquainted. Friday we spent much of the day at the different sites in Nebraska City. Saturday - I finished reading my book and opted out of doing more site seeing.

After finishing the book, I decided it was time to really focus on some writing - the weather was on our side and just encouraged free thought and peace. So I was looking through my notebooks and found, not one but two chapters of different books I had written. My book about the the group of friends which centers around a tree house - and another story that I know how it is going to go, what happens in it and how it ends, but have not really been able to get it on paper - I haven't found the voice.

For the tree house story - I found a chapter that points me in the direction I was hoping the story would go. I just had been stuck. I was able to pick up the pen to paper and start writing again - I think I finished another two chapters - I have to get it transferred to Word to see really how much I wrote, but I did good. I have even figured out how I am going to go from the part of the book I am currently writing to the next and I feel good about it. It's nice to have direction.

The other story (I am not sure how long it is going to be if it is a novella, novel or short story.) It was actually an idea that I had developed for a screeplay, but that is such a different style of writing - I was spending so much time on learning to write screenplays that I didn't write as much. I also had always pictured the main character as a young me (I am not sure how many others do this in there story, but the stories are all going to be me in one way or another). Anyhow, I knew that when this story actually translated to script - the main character is going to have to be female for it to sell - so I thought, why not just write it like that. I had forgotten that I had a good start on the story, but found it all when looking for paper and pen. So I believe I once again ow C&M a thank you.

And We're On -

The weekend was wonderful - I went camping with a friend and his partner. This friend is one of my grade shool friends whom I haven't seen since I left Montana after 5th grade. I recently found him through the use of the internet and learned he lived fairly close to me. He and his partner go camping about once a month and made it work, so that I could join them. After the weather on Wednesday, we were blessed with beautiful weather for the next 3 days. C&M have a fantastic camper which is much more spacious than the living area I had when I lived in the basement several years ago. They were perfect hosts, but did not allow me to help enough (I mean if someone is cooking all your meals, it would be nice to at least be able to pay them back a little by washing dishes). I have to admit that I loved how easy they made it for me to relax.

We were camping at Victorian Acres outside of Nebraska City, NE. The campground was nice (the campsites were way too close together, but we did have a nice site due to a tree being between the sites). On Friday we went and walked around some of the land around the Lied Lodge - which was beautiful. We were all a little disappointment with going to the Arbor Day Farm Tree Adventure. It was not all it was cracked up to be - for the $6.50 we were told we got to not only experience the Treehouse and surrounding trails but would get a dessert at the Lied Lodge and to pick out a free tree. Now after C&M paid she handed over the coupon commenting that the dessert was free with paid meal. Had I been alone, I probably would have insisted on a refund as I felt it was very deceptive. Not only was the coupon with a a meal - it was a dinner and the resturant was closed from 2-5. We did get our free tree though - I believe it is a blue spruce.

We then found this cute little schizophrenic dinner in town. The resturant had several decors going on as did the menu. We were extremely disappointed with the meal we chose - I won't go into it here, it just did not live up to it's advertising at all.

At the campground, however, I ate like a king - the meals were very big and very healthy. I couldn't have asked for two nicer hosts. C&M thank you for making this weekend so wonderful.

Worth It - Waste It

Recently I have not been so into movies to watch. I am having a hard time finding ones I want to spend the time watching. So I have been catching up on my tv throughout the year (I tend to tape so many shows, I play catch up throughout the summer). Although this year, it appears I will be all caught up before the new fall season starts.

I did recently catch a few flicks:

Waste of Time or I want those hours back:
Semi-Pro (normally I can find a funny seen or two in his films - I think he's great, but can tend to overact) This film was horrible
10,000 B.C. - uhm... they spoke English and had fully functional cities? Need I say more?

Worth it:
Step Up 2 - gotta admit that it's not as good as the first one (and I know there is probably a select group of people who would even agree that the first on was worth it, but I liked it).
Meet the Spartans - I know this will also only appeal to a select few - oiled, muscle men, slapstick humor, I personally don't think there was any way for them to go wrong?

I LOOKED GOOD!

So at the reunion - it was funny seeing this 8x10 black and white of my senior pic hanging up on the wall. I had one friend who kept laughing about how different I looked (and he was definitely not one to talk himself - he had a lot of hair gone to nothing himself, lol). As we were joking around, about how good we all looked back then (although, lol hairstyles for some were a little questionable). I made the comment that 'I would have done me,' which caused a few to laugh, though I am not sure why - I would have - although I don't think I was hot by any means back then, but looking back, hmmm...

We also had a psychic there who - our visit didn't exactly start out right when she told me that 'I had a nice talk with your wife earlier.'
'No you didn't'
'Yes, I did.'
'No you didn't.'
'Are you sure.'
'Yes, I am sure.'
'Let me ask you this, are you sleeping with anyone in this room.'
I laugh, 'No.'
'Well someone here wants to.' Now, I know that I should have asked, but I didn't - I was caught off guard by the whole argument about my 'wife.' That I didn't ask the obvious question of 'who?' or 'could you point him out?'

She then moved on to ask me who Jacob is - 'I don't know a Jacob.'
'Yes, you do.'
'No, I don't.'
'You don't know any Jacobs?'
'Oh I have a nephew Jacob.'
'No this is someone who will be come very important to you in the next 5 months. Soon you are going to receive a phone call from someone in your past who is going to start asking you a lot of questions.'
'Is this someone I know?'
'Yes, but the questions are going to make you very uneasy and you need to hang up.'
'I need to hang the phone up?'
'Yes. A change is going to happen with management at your work - you are going to be very upset about it, but it is going to be a very good thing for you.'
There was something about a bunch of money from somewhere that I cannot remember because she started telling me things like 'do you want to hear about money, tell me yes.'
'yes.'
'you are going to come into a big amount,' now the note she wrote looks like it says something about insurance 'freestill.' I cannot read her writing very well. 'You need to buy new underwear, ask me why.'
'Why.'
'Because you are going to lose a lot of weight this year, and if you keep trying to wear the pair you are wearing, they will be tangled up around your feet. Who is Bob.'
'I don't know,'
'Yes you do.' Here we go again.
'No I don't, or wait, I have a brother in law named Bob.'
'No I don't think that is it. Bob is going to become a very important confidant to you in the next 30 days. Have you ever heard of the foot detox patch.'
'Yes I have tried them.'
'Did they work?'
'I don't think so, they kind of hurt my foot and just left a really salty smell.'
'They would be very good for you, you should get more or the Tahitian Noni - both would do you very well. Thank you and send the next one over.'

Now I don't have it all perfect I believe due to the few margaritas that I had and her handwriting is worse than most of the doctors I have read in the past. But is was fun, and looks to be a good year for me.

Nostalgia

I am a nostalgic person. I love my history, family history and memories. I love the pictures, stories and feelings associated with my past memories. I glorify the past and tend to focus on remembering the good things. I love maintaining old friendships, renewing lost relationships and just checking in with people from my past. I know that I tend to glorify the past - it is seldom that I remember the bad memories associated with a time or person from my past - and instead will turn it into a story or get try to get some humor out of the questionable memories. I do this with the people I care about or who meant something to me in the past. Don't get me wrong, there are those who are associated with bad memories and I want pretty much nothing to do with them (of course, it takes a sort of ptsd that their name brings to my response system to make that list).

From high school there are only a couple who cause that kind of panic for me and since it is 25 years since high school - I am sure that with that person, they don't even remember making me feel less than a person or 'hurting my feelings' for lack of a better phrase. I had my 25th Reunion this weekend and I had a really good time. I was kind of fearful of going to it for several reasons - one being, at the last reunion I felt like I was back in high school - people still hung in their groups (and I was one of them) - we know who makes us comfortable and who doesn't. I was much more shy than I typically am and I didn't like how I felt or the box I put myself in. I even went so far to ignore a guy from my class who was calling me over when I was on the way to the bathroom. Not because I am stuck up, but because I don't think we ever talked in high school - we ran in completely different crowds and I think I allowed my self-esteem to interfere and wonder 'he doesn't really want to talk with me.' Truth be told, he probably just wanted to ask someones name who I was talking with. But I was so embarrassed that I allowed myself to be such an ass as to 'pretend I didn't know they were calling me over.' That's not who I am. I think another reason was my being out. I didn't attend the 15 because I was at a point where I was coming out to more and more people and didn't really want to be the 'gay classmate' who came to the reunion (plus the way the 15 was set up, it really appeared as if you needed to be a couple to attend and I wasn't at that point).

At the 20 I have to admit that I am sure that was some of my discomfort. I was comfortably out, but this was my high school classmates who hadn't all seen how I had evolved and how 'comfortable' I was with myself. I know that the baggage I brought from the past was my own, I own that. So here we are at the 25th and I worried that I would turn back into the same fool who had attended the 20th. I was worried about not having anyone to talk with or just hanging with the same crowd and becoming all 'shy' again. I do know that I have several classmates who are gay as well and have partners, but I am also aware that I appear to be the 'token gay' when it comes to the reunions. I don't know that any attend besides myself (well, at least any who are out).

I thoroughly enjoyed myself this weekend. I got to talk and catch up with some people who meant a lot to me in the past, I got to socialize with people from the past, that while I probably didn't back then, it was nice to check in and get re-acquainted. I had fun, I ate, drank, played volleyball and just had a really good time. One of the nice things for me, is that I have this group who is doing this weight loss challenge - several are from my high school past in one form or another - it was fun for me to see how we tended to hang around together at times at this event. There is a real sense of security in those friendships. It's nice how true friends from our past can become very good friends of our present.

Write One Thing 2

I did well the other night after writing my post. I started a new story, I do no know the direction it is going, but I believe it to be a type of ghost story (which I don't think I have every really done before). It always feels good and exciting for me to start something new. I have to admit that is is falling out of my pattern though - I have a tendency to start write a chapter of one of my novels and then fall into writing a short. I don't know if that is good or not, but it is my pattern.

I have been thinking of putting some of my shorts together in a collection. They all have a type of theme that they go with, but I am not sure it is a theme that others would be interested in - I know story-wise, the stories and the idea are good. We will have to see.

I am setting a goal for this month to write a page a day towards one of the novels. My writing group is great at encouraging me to read - I feel very supported in this group. I know many read in order of what they are writing. I am not sure I will be doing that. Sometimes I wonder if it is the actual story that is being critiqued or the writing - I know that we have to address both in a writer's group because if the story doesn't grab the reader they can help me with the direction and the interest. Now I can't say that has honestly ever been a critique I have received (the dreaded 'I just didn't care, aaarrrrggghhhh!!! that would be horrible). But I have hard some that this was my thought.

Sometimes I have read part of one of my short stories - I sometimes feel bad because I can only read half of it (we are only supposed to read about 5 double-spaced pages each critique) and because there were too many holes or it fixed what I was looking for, I don't necessarily go back and read the rest of the story. Only a couple of times have I heard disappointment in not hearing more. I have one story I wrote several years ago that I really see eventually being turned into a script - I read a portion of it to my group and even though I think the response would have been differently if they had been privy to the whole story, there was still a lot of attention given to the things that either bothered or did not work for them. I haven't gone back to the story for it's edit since that read, but it has been calling me and I believe that often after a critique like that and time, the story only comes out better once I adjust it.

Yesterday I did not meet my goal (as I just made it up today, lol). I did however, edit one of my stories to read last night (although I didn't end up reading yesterday). I felt good about the changes. Even the fact that I pretty much cut off the end of the story - we will have to see how it actually works into the novel this way. It's supposed to be the prologue, but it might be a little too long. Speaking of too long...

WRITE ONE THING TODAY

I was reviewing some of the blogs that I read and came across this one Write To Done - it had some fantastically educational posts on it. But one caught my eye and I didn't want to forget it, so I decided to post it here to remind me:

"Write one thing today, and write it well." I love that thought - it was posted on the February 28th, 2008 posting. I'm going to see if doing that helps me in developing my routine of writing daily.

Reading and Watching

I am about 3/4's the way through the second Fablehaven story by Brandon Mull (and loving it). I tend to read it over my lunch hour. I was planning on finishing it last week, but got sidetracked when the new Odd Thomas - Odd Hours came out. I love that character. I actually had it as a book on tape. I have to admit that the first and second books are still my favorite, and while I enjoyed it, it was not one of my favorites. However, I did love the end. I won't spoil it, but I loved the end. I want to finish the second Fablehaven book, to get to the third which I also have - seriously good books people. I also picked up some new books to read - and tried reading the new Stephanie Meyers book, The Host. I am having a hard time getting into it. I think I thought it was going to be another vampire book, that was written specifically for adults and it isn't. I think I know the direction it is going, but am still unsure. I am not enjoying it as much, so I have put it off for now. I have several others I could be reading that I will focus on at this time instead.

I have been catching up on some of my shows that I tape throughout the year to catch up on during down time. No movies have been grabbing me that I have to see them right this minute - there is still a couple of tear jerkers which I haven't had the heart to watch yet, but I will. And I have also enjoyed a new show that I have never watched before - Step Up and Dance - on Bravo. I love it (if I am honest I probably watched it more for the two straight guys which I have true crushes on), but I am enjoying the show. I can't stop listening to Rhianna's Umbrella ever since they had the challenged to learn part of the background dancers' steps. I am thinking that those kind of things would be a great wieght-loss program (don't you) practicing the dances from musicals and music videos? I have said it before, but have never tried it.

My weight-loss group met last night and I was the biggest loser for the last 6 weeks - we are doing another 6 week challenge, so I have to up my game, maybe creating my own exercise program with some of these dvd's is the way to go (I have always wanted to move my hips like Shakira in Hips Don't Lie - now's my chance!!!)

Writing Competition

This last week was a little distracting for me - I had a person I thought was a friend of mine really lie and then tried to minimize it and make it out to be my fault. It's over and I have moved on, it's still hard (who likes being manipulated like that)and being a person who thinks he is a pretty good judge of character, it really threw me off. Oh well, somehow I will be able to apply it to my writing at some point.

Yesterday, I did a final edit on my short story, It Was A Dark And Stormy Night. I really am pretty proud of this story. I wrote it basically one afternoon when I was at this terrible seminar for work. It started out as one of those fun pieces - you know - you write a sentence and pass it on to the next person, but I never passed it on. I turned it into a writing activity for myself. I had been critiqued at my group as someone who often writes in the first person (and I do), so I took that as a challenge. Hindsight, I don't think she meant it as something I needed to change, as much as a way to identify my writing. I have since learned from others in my writing group, that they wish they had that ability and see it as a strength. For me, it's often that I become the character in my writing, it's the one my tools. So I actually enjoyed working on this piece because it took me out of my element.

I started with the 3rd person omission, and then I played with some simple 3rd person as well. One of the things I love about this writing group, is that I have really learned to pay attention to some of these things. I will write, edit and present and even though I think I have caught every opportunity for someone to go 'how does he know this, who's perspective are we in,' but they find them. I even find it in my writing published works now and think, how did this get published. (Then reality kicks in and I realize that they are published and overall I am not.)

Anyhow, I missed the initial deadline for submitting this story to the Writer's Digest Annual Writing Competition, so I had to get it done to be able to enter it yesterday. It is now entered and I am not even looking at the story because I am sure I will find things and go, 'oh, how did I miss that.' I did find a whole lot of 'had's' in the story, and didn't realize how much I write and talk that way. I will continue to work on it.

This morning, I started writing another story, looks to be fun. I still have stuff to edit before reading tomorrow on one of my novels, but sometimes the muse just takes over, doesn't she.

Sins Of Omission

The morning after my last post, I arrived to work and after getting situated and starting my day, I also checked my email (which is par for the course). A friend of mine had written, but this was not unusual, for the past several years (since 2004) at least - at least that is when I started saving them. I think I started saving them for a couple of reasons - one, it was like having an online journal - during this time, he had some significant stuff go on with him and I always had a plan to put it into a document that would show how far he had come; two, it was like having my own journal for the last several years; and three, I think I had some trust issues - stuff would often be thrown back at me, claiming I had said this or that or that I believed this or that as well.

I thought the email exchanges were overall some of my best - he was someone I could share my life with and get a fairly objective response and I tried to give him the same. Typically we write each other daily during the weekday, sometimes several times a day, some weeks only a couple of times during the week. Occasionally we have had weeks where we are in the middle of a 'dispute' and only drop each other a note once during the week to basically update the other on how busy we have been.

He is someone I consider a dear friend. There are times we don't get along and we have completely different thoughts or interpretations of something, but we allow for the other to have their own thoughts and for the most part share them. There have been times the emails have hurt the other and while I know that I don't believe I have ever tried to deliberately hurt him, I like to believe that his intention has never been to deliberately hurt me. But there are times I have wondered.

This Monday he greeted me with the email that it was time for him to 'disclose' something to me. He had basically been living two lives - the one he told me about, claiming that he maintained this because he was having a hard time letting go of his old life. Later in the week, when I challenged some of this, he claimed that he didn't tell me because he didn't want to be judged and that I can sometimes be a little hard on him. Now I am struggling, this isn't a little secret, it's a big one - having a whole different life that what you have presenting. This isn't something like coming out which I believe is the person's choice and understand what it is like to live with that secret and have to play a whole double life thing. This is things telling me that you had gone home for the weekend and hung out with family when really he was getting married and on his honeymoon or saying that he hadn't done anything special for mother's day weekend except that his mother had come to visit and really his child was born the day before mothers day? This isn't a short time of telling lies but almost three years!

This isn't easy to process because he claims to have not lied but to have just left out information. I was taught and believe that on the small occasion, a lie of omission is okay, but in the big picture a lie of omission is just as harmful, sometimes more as a blatant lie. Am I wrong?

Enough to Hurt

This last week was one of those that had a lot of thought-provoking incidents. Some of them made me cry. When I say cry, for me it often means eyes welling up with tears - I don't like to have the big sobbing fits - they stuff up my head and I don't feel very well after them. I did have one of them though - when California overturned and claimed that not allowing same-sex couples to marry was unconstitutional. I'm getting teary-eyed thinking about it right now. It's funny, because it has been a long time since I have even been close to even the possibility of marriage and that was to a woman. I knew it was important, but I didn't expect it to impact me in the way I did. I sobbed, I sobbed when I read some of the celebratory blogs, I sobbed when Ellen announced her engagement to Portia, I sobbed at the thought of the possibility. Maybe, someday.

I watched this movie The Air that I Breathe - gotta admit that the trailer was better than the movie was. It was nice to see some of the actors I really like together: Sarah Michelle Gellar, Kevin Bacon, Brenden Fraiser and Al Pachino. The movie was not very good - too much going on in a story that - well, I think it tried to do the circular story thing which has become fairly popular with Babel and Crash. They didn't do it. But I did hear a couple of songs that I really liked. One had a chorus that just blew me away - "At least I loved enough to hurt," I love the thoughts a line like that brings to the surface. I am not going to go into the whole thing of whether I have or have not "loved enough to hurt," but I do love the way it has me thinking.

Grey's Anatomy made me cry, I love that show. It always does. I have to admit that I even got a little teary-eyed on an episode of Wife Swap when the wives re-connected with there spouses (surely some of these families have to know how fucking crazy they come across on this show?)I also got a little teary-eyed for Pam and Michael on The Office, as well as for Earl. I love those shows.

I stayed away from a couple of movies because I feared they are going to make me sob, though I am completely drawn to them. Grace Is Gone staring John Cusack and Rails and Ties staring Kevin Bacon. Look them up and you will see what I mean - I saw they previews and they both made me tear up. I also keep starting to watch Lars And The Real Girl - but I keep putting it in before I go to bed, which is just stupid as I really want to see this movie and have heard so much good about it.

On Friday I finished re-reading Prince Caspian in anticipation of the movie. I admit that the book make me well up a couple of times. But the movie, oh my goodness, the movie. It was beautiful. They change a couple of things from the book - I was really okay with that. The actual battle scene in the book was so short and anti-climatic, but the movie justifies it. The White Witch is back, and in the book she actual never returns (I am really not revealing spoilers since we see her in the previews). But the music and the look in these children's eyes, is so wonderful, that you are taken back to Narnia. I welled up more than once throughout the whole movie. It was beautiful. I wished as I was watching it that I had watched The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe before I went to see it, not because I missed anything by not doing that, but because I was reminded of the wonder and joy I felt in watching that movie. It will definitely be on my movies to watch this week.

So last night, I was trying to figure out what to watch before bed and decided that I am a big baby and I didn't want to end my weekend with another sad story - so I watched the country music awards and headed off to bed. This week is a week full of season finales, hopefully some movies, but definitely writing. I can't believe I spent the whole weekend only typing one line - I really have nothing to show for what I did instead, except a little planting. I did get a rejection from one of the publishers I sent my manuscript to - it's a little frustrating as it wasn't even opened - just had a big "REJECTED" sticker on the front, although when I checked the Writer's Market, it does say that picture books are supposed to be submitted with the full manuscript?

My Family

I have been going through some family pictures lately for my niece's 8th grade graduation video. I realize how great my family is. I am so blessed to have the relationships that I do, not only with my siblings, but with my nieces and nephews.

Weird Quirks

I meet a lot of interesting people in the work I do. Some of them I really like, some of them I am glad it is a working relationship, and then there have been the occasional ones which I resent the work I do for putting me and my family in the potential line of danger. I think some of that is the imagination I have and seeing stories in everything.

This post has less to do with anyone but myself and my own warped imagination. I have this toilet room off of my kitchen on the main floor - it has two doors and a window and the room is only something like 4'x6'. I started noticing a couple of weeks ago that when I am standing in front of the toilet, doing what a man does when standing in front of the toilet, that I always place my left hand on the door - half on the frame, half on the door. I think I have done this since I moved into this house almost 5 years ago - and every time I do, I get this weird vision of something bursting through the door as I am standing there. Now do you think I am worried about the fact that something like a werewolf has just burst in and knocked me down while I am peeing? No almost every time I get this image, I have that feeling that shoots from my groin down my leg when I think of the pain I will feel as the door scrapes over the top of my foot.

I know, some thoughts are better kept 'up here'(I point to my head), than said out loud or written.

Update - I need to GIVE MORE HUGS!

Yes I made sure to give my mother a hug on Mother’s Day. We took a nice picture as well. It was one of those days that went off fairly well without a hitch and the food which was provided by the men of the family, went over very well. We all pretty much left with bellies (and baggies) full. I will eat well for the next week, lol.

Writing - Wishes and Pockets

On Saturday, I went to a new writer’s group that is primarily for Children/Juvenile writers. I believe they are a critique group sponsored by the SCBWI group. It was interesting. It’s one of those opportunities that allow me to be thankful that I am in the primary group which I am in.

This new group had some very talented and interesting people. It is a little less structured than my primary group, and there is a tendency to get off topic. I really like the structure of the current group I belong to, though I will return to this group in the future. I did read – which I know I stated in a previous post that it would have been helpful to attend a couple of meetings to learn the dynamics of a group before reading – this group only meets once a month, so it’s a different approach and I jumped right in. However, I got raked over the coals a little. It was interesting to read the same story which was so well-received by one group and then with the group who is more along the lines of children’s writers – not as much.

First of all, after I had read, there was an awkward silence which even prompted me to go, ‘the end.’ LOL. Then someone jumped in with ‘well the thing I didn’t get at first’ and then other comments about its length and the material being stuff children would be interested in. It was a very humbling experience to say the least. A couple of questions were brought up that I had not really looked at. Many of the suggestions were very good. One woman suggested it might even be better for a parenting magazine because it does offer a suggestion for parents to handle a behavior their own children might be showing.

I left the meeting a little disheartened, not because I believe the story is a bad story, but because I have a feeling this might be why it has not been picked up by a publisher. Of course, I learn this the week that I have sent it out to 10 different publishers, lol. It did give me another direction to go with whom to submit it. As with any of the critiques I have gone through – I will sit on it awhile before picking it up again to review it.

I am so proud of myself

Can I just say that the day is only halfway through and explain was a highly productive day I had. I woke up nice and early this morning - didn't have to be to work until 10 a.m. since I am working late tonight. I did a little more research for another job at Careerlink, and found a few to apply for. I have to work on that tonight before I go to bed.

But the thing I am most proud of is getting my story out to some publishers. I got 5 queries/manuscripts out to a few different publishers and also sent one to an agent. For me that was a productive day. I had gone through the Writer's Market about 1.5 months ago and identified about 20 companies who accept non-solicited stories as well as simultaneous submissions, but had not done anything with them. So now my plan is to get at least five of them out a day, until I have the list completed. I can't get published if I am not submitting.

Things I have learned...

from my year in the Nebraska Writers Workshop. I was very cautious when I first came in because it was a group that seemed fairly established and I learned had been around since the 80's. How I never had found or even heard of them, I do not know because I had looked for writing/critique groups in the past and believed they only came from different writing classes.

Anyways I attended my first meeting and was caught. The moderator was very enthusiastic and welcoming. The night which was my first meeting was also one of the last for another member who was moving away and he was going away with a bang - he read a very controversial part of his stage play that provoked all sorts of emotion and response.

The next week I read one of my stories, it was one which had been published in Fine Lines - a literary journal here in Nebraska (although there was the whole middle portion of this story which was very jumbled - I should have probably contacted the editors about it, but never did). Anyhow, I was met with very positive responses, it was a good start.

I have not read as often as I am prodded even though I have a large variety of stuff that I am working on. It seems that every meeting I attend, I learn something new. Then I feel obligated to apply what I have learned to the story before I present it. Almost nothing bothers me more than when someone presents a portion of their work that and they new adjustments needed to be made, but have not taken the time to make them and then want to comment on that each time someone critiques it. I have frustrated a couple of people because I have presented a portion of a short story, only to never have read it to the group again.

I walk away from the meetings when one of my items has been critiqued and I put it away for several weeks. I am very right-brained when working on my stories, so sometimes I need to let it settle before I pull out the story, re-write or edit it and then I look at the critiques to see if I was able to meet any of the suggestions. It is a very good tool for me. However, often, it fixes a portion of the story that works and I have to work it into the whole story. If I focus too much on the editing and re-writing, I am left with no time to write the new stuff.

I am still trying to set up a writing schedule that allows for a portion of time to be focused on editing, a portion on researching, and a larger portion on the writing.

The main things that I have learned:

1. I could have learned a lot by attending at least 3 or 4 meetings to learn the process and what was being addressed in the reading before presenting my own story. I now look at is as more respectful - instead I looked like the guy, who wanted to come in and show off his stuff - when in reality, I know I was thinking, I better show my stuff so they can decided if my critiques are credible or not.

2. I learned to truly look at the voice and which person the story is in. This took me awhile and I really had to pay attention to people critiquing before I finally got it and it was huge 'OHHHHHH!!!' (I've learned that I have a tendency to write in the first person and have challenged myself to write in the third.)

3. I learned to watch for the passive works - simple tricks that work are doing searches for words like 'was,' 's/he,' and other repetitive words.

4. I learned that I often need the other writer/listener to help identify when I am repeating myself.

5. I learned that while I may believe a portion of the story needs to be in there, or a tool I am using to get a point across is necessary, sometimes it isn't.

6. I've learned the art of critiquing - just sitting back and listening to the praise and concerns - no one has to make the changes which are suggested.

7. I've learned the importance of developing routines for my writing.

8. I've learned some of the aspects of screen writing (even though I have never written one, I do hope to someday).

9. I've learned to prepare my readers in the group when it is a short story - the majority of them seem to be novelists, so when presenting a short story there is the potential of frustration that there wasn't more to the story. (This can be a benefit, following my break from the critiquing, it allows me to consider making the story longer or shorter.)

10. I've learned that as ready as I believed I was to be published (well, I am), but my work wasn't. I've also learned that I am getting a lot closer.

I need to ... (part 2)

(if you haven't read part 1 - I would skip down to read it first.)

"I need to jump in more puddles." I continued to have this thought again for several days. When this happens to me, I know that I have not grasped the important of why it is remaining in my mind. I wondered, 'what is it that I have let go from my childhood that I need to let back into my life?' That wasn't enough, subconsciously, there was still something I think I was missing.

(This is where you get the odd introduction of how my mind works.) When I wondered what I was missing, I realized I was asking the wrong question and for a short time, the question switched to 'what am I missing?'

I miss riding my bike in Montana, the tree house on the edge of town, playing outside, spending time with a really good friend, dreaming as much as I used to, planning my dreams. When I was younger I would plan what dream I was going to dream of before I went to bed, and I couldn't wait to immerse myself in that dream. I can't do that as much anymore, now I try and I have no control of the dreams I get to have. I miss those dreams. I miss hugs.

Those are just a few of the many thoughts that popped into my mind. My thoughts pretty much ended when I had the thought of 'I miss hugs.' Suddenly that became the thought that kept running through my mind. You may or may not know, I come from a big family and being the oldest child and an observer, I have spent a lot of time looking at our family and the different dynamics of it.

Being the oldest of a lot of children, I never there was always a lot of hugs in our family. The thing I noticed as I got older was that there seemed to be an age (9-11ish) where the hugging seemed to stop. It's not something I am bitching about or whining about, it just seems that this was the time, the hugs stopped. When I reflect back, I am sure that is about the age we all were basic, uhm...pukes! and we were starting to seek that independence. I look back and think how hard this must have been for my mother to allow us to step away and grow.

I noticed the same pattern with my nieces and nephews - it is always the little ones who are very free with the hugs. Luckily I have some of my older nieces and nephews who approach me and just give hugs. I love those times. I think that for a long time, I also grew to allow this time for my siblings to grow and become as affectionate as they wanted, if they wanted hugs, it was up to them to give them. TEC (the retreat program I worked with for years), hugs flowed freely. I think it was one of my favorite parts of belonging to TEC.

Now I joke about my 'personal space bubble' being bigger than most. There is some truth to it, for people who are new to me, old friends and my nieces and nephews, there doesn't seem to be a bubble. But ask me that last time I hugged my sister or brother, and I don't think I could tell you, other than the ones who have gotten married in the last few years, I don't think I have. This line of thinking led me to think of who else misses the hugs and I thought of my mother.

The hugs I give my mother are very seldom, so I can remember the last time I gave her one. That is sad to me, because I know that if there is anyone who needs or deserves a hug, it is my mother. You would think that knowing this would be enough to give her a hug every now and then. I have siblings who hug her often, either on the coming or the going of meeting at her home. I want to give her a hug. I don't know if it embarrasses me, or if I fear her reaction to getting a hug from me would make it uncomfortable, but I want to get better about giving her hugs. To the woman who said, 'I need to jump in a puddle;' I now pound my own fist and say, 'I need to give more hugs.'