"That's so hetero..."

I was saddened yesterday. I like to believe that I sometimes insulate myself in this safe little bubble. I don't watch the news, I don't read the paper and I rationalize that this is okay because the children I work with often have stories that are worse or similar to those that I see in the news. I believe that it is a coping skill for me, that it allows me to leave my work at work and at home - I get to focus on myself, my friends and my family.

I have known for a long time that the majority of us suffer from some sort of discrimination or another. Again, I protect myself from these situations - I don't always go to the theater because I am too big and the sits are uncomfortable - I don't fly because I worry about the comfort of others. Last night I was invited to go to a bar with a friend - it's not always the safest bar and I learned that a lot of times it depends on the type of music, but it can be a little sketchy. I said no because of the safety, I joked that it was because my friend would be the the one talking and getting us in trouble, but I would be the one who gets stabbed - that's my luck.

Later I realized how many different bars I shy away from because of my safety. I have absolutely no qualms about going into a sports bar and in fact, I tend to enjoy them more than the gay bars. However, when it comes to the nightclubs - I don't like the straight ones. As I was was thinking and considering it, I realized why I don't like them. I don't feel safe in them. In a time when Americans are more educated and 'accepting,' it doesn't always seem to be the actual case. I am constantly shocked at when I hear the word 'gay' used to describe something and more and more I am bothered by it. It's simply wrong, I wish that I could start the trend of saying 'that's so hetero...' Can you imagine how ridiculous that would sound - try it, the next time there is something that you have the chance to say it, do. Say 'oh my goodness, that's so hetero.' I am guessing you will be looked at as if you were very odd.

Anyways back to my commentary on discrimination. I am not blind and unaware, I know that we are all affected by it in one way or another. I know that I have been a victim of it as well as having discriminated against others. Last night was a time that I was able to recognize that it has begun to affect my quality of life. In the work I do, I even know what I would say to a family who has a behavior or thought affecting their quality of life. 'Take it back, make it yours, put yourself in situations so you feel in control.' Hmmmm...how stupid does it sound thinking, okay, I am not going to let my fears/thoughts/concerns keep me from living my life - I guess I am going to a straight nightclub.