I LOOKED GOOD!

So at the reunion - it was funny seeing this 8x10 black and white of my senior pic hanging up on the wall. I had one friend who kept laughing about how different I looked (and he was definitely not one to talk himself - he had a lot of hair gone to nothing himself, lol). As we were joking around, about how good we all looked back then (although, lol hairstyles for some were a little questionable). I made the comment that 'I would have done me,' which caused a few to laugh, though I am not sure why - I would have - although I don't think I was hot by any means back then, but looking back, hmmm...

We also had a psychic there who - our visit didn't exactly start out right when she told me that 'I had a nice talk with your wife earlier.'
'No you didn't'
'Yes, I did.'
'No you didn't.'
'Are you sure.'
'Yes, I am sure.'
'Let me ask you this, are you sleeping with anyone in this room.'
I laugh, 'No.'
'Well someone here wants to.' Now, I know that I should have asked, but I didn't - I was caught off guard by the whole argument about my 'wife.' That I didn't ask the obvious question of 'who?' or 'could you point him out?'

She then moved on to ask me who Jacob is - 'I don't know a Jacob.'
'Yes, you do.'
'No, I don't.'
'You don't know any Jacobs?'
'Oh I have a nephew Jacob.'
'No this is someone who will be come very important to you in the next 5 months. Soon you are going to receive a phone call from someone in your past who is going to start asking you a lot of questions.'
'Is this someone I know?'
'Yes, but the questions are going to make you very uneasy and you need to hang up.'
'I need to hang the phone up?'
'Yes. A change is going to happen with management at your work - you are going to be very upset about it, but it is going to be a very good thing for you.'
There was something about a bunch of money from somewhere that I cannot remember because she started telling me things like 'do you want to hear about money, tell me yes.'
'yes.'
'you are going to come into a big amount,' now the note she wrote looks like it says something about insurance 'freestill.' I cannot read her writing very well. 'You need to buy new underwear, ask me why.'
'Why.'
'Because you are going to lose a lot of weight this year, and if you keep trying to wear the pair you are wearing, they will be tangled up around your feet. Who is Bob.'
'I don't know,'
'Yes you do.' Here we go again.
'No I don't, or wait, I have a brother in law named Bob.'
'No I don't think that is it. Bob is going to become a very important confidant to you in the next 30 days. Have you ever heard of the foot detox patch.'
'Yes I have tried them.'
'Did they work?'
'I don't think so, they kind of hurt my foot and just left a really salty smell.'
'They would be very good for you, you should get more or the Tahitian Noni - both would do you very well. Thank you and send the next one over.'

Now I don't have it all perfect I believe due to the few margaritas that I had and her handwriting is worse than most of the doctors I have read in the past. But is was fun, and looks to be a good year for me.

Nostalgia

I am a nostalgic person. I love my history, family history and memories. I love the pictures, stories and feelings associated with my past memories. I glorify the past and tend to focus on remembering the good things. I love maintaining old friendships, renewing lost relationships and just checking in with people from my past. I know that I tend to glorify the past - it is seldom that I remember the bad memories associated with a time or person from my past - and instead will turn it into a story or get try to get some humor out of the questionable memories. I do this with the people I care about or who meant something to me in the past. Don't get me wrong, there are those who are associated with bad memories and I want pretty much nothing to do with them (of course, it takes a sort of ptsd that their name brings to my response system to make that list).

From high school there are only a couple who cause that kind of panic for me and since it is 25 years since high school - I am sure that with that person, they don't even remember making me feel less than a person or 'hurting my feelings' for lack of a better phrase. I had my 25th Reunion this weekend and I had a really good time. I was kind of fearful of going to it for several reasons - one being, at the last reunion I felt like I was back in high school - people still hung in their groups (and I was one of them) - we know who makes us comfortable and who doesn't. I was much more shy than I typically am and I didn't like how I felt or the box I put myself in. I even went so far to ignore a guy from my class who was calling me over when I was on the way to the bathroom. Not because I am stuck up, but because I don't think we ever talked in high school - we ran in completely different crowds and I think I allowed my self-esteem to interfere and wonder 'he doesn't really want to talk with me.' Truth be told, he probably just wanted to ask someones name who I was talking with. But I was so embarrassed that I allowed myself to be such an ass as to 'pretend I didn't know they were calling me over.' That's not who I am. I think another reason was my being out. I didn't attend the 15 because I was at a point where I was coming out to more and more people and didn't really want to be the 'gay classmate' who came to the reunion (plus the way the 15 was set up, it really appeared as if you needed to be a couple to attend and I wasn't at that point).

At the 20 I have to admit that I am sure that was some of my discomfort. I was comfortably out, but this was my high school classmates who hadn't all seen how I had evolved and how 'comfortable' I was with myself. I know that the baggage I brought from the past was my own, I own that. So here we are at the 25th and I worried that I would turn back into the same fool who had attended the 20th. I was worried about not having anyone to talk with or just hanging with the same crowd and becoming all 'shy' again. I do know that I have several classmates who are gay as well and have partners, but I am also aware that I appear to be the 'token gay' when it comes to the reunions. I don't know that any attend besides myself (well, at least any who are out).

I thoroughly enjoyed myself this weekend. I got to talk and catch up with some people who meant a lot to me in the past, I got to socialize with people from the past, that while I probably didn't back then, it was nice to check in and get re-acquainted. I had fun, I ate, drank, played volleyball and just had a really good time. One of the nice things for me, is that I have this group who is doing this weight loss challenge - several are from my high school past in one form or another - it was fun for me to see how we tended to hang around together at times at this event. There is a real sense of security in those friendships. It's nice how true friends from our past can become very good friends of our present.